It’s hard getting my groove back – I have no idea how Stella did it. I’m still hiding from scrimmage practice. I have bad memories from the last time I went, got my ass kicked, felt horribly embarrassed, and had trouble breathing. It’s so stupid, because it’s mainly mental. I’m just getting back into regular practices and scrimmage just doesn’t seem right until I’ve had a few good ones under my belt. I’m not sure what the deal is – I love practice, and I love how much I’ve improved. True, a lot of people I care about have dropped off of the derby landscape, especially recently. I think that goes a long way towards motivating me. When you feel like a little lone island in a sea of girls with much better skills than you, it’s hard to amp yourself up. I love the challenge, but I let myself think too much about everything and it cripples me.
This week my mindset is MUCH better. Practice with eager skatertots last weekend helped a lot. I forgot about the FUN part of derby! … except, of course, when one girl broke her ankle in three places. Just from doing a turn-around-toe-stop. Yikes. That was the second time I’d seen a new skater topple over and break their ankle. Two times two many. Skating isn’t a joke, people. The weird thing is I would never have had the guts to try a turn-around-toe-stop at high speeds when I was just starting (*ahem* . . . still don’t). I love that this girl had the no guts no glory part down. Sometimes I think that makes the best skaters – I’m so cautious at times it really hampers my improvement.
Balls out is the way to be?